The More the Merrier

“Holy crap!” The words slipped out of my mouth before I had time to think.

“Holy crap?” my wife repeated back to me. “That’s what you have to say about us having another baby?”

I couldn’t help it. It’s the only thing I could muster through the shock. My mind and body had suddenly gone completely numb. Under the circumstances, I think I was doing pretty well just to maintain consciousness. This was, after all, our third child and our little girl is still just a baby as far as I’m concerned. Taking care of two is enough of a challenge. Did we really need to stack the odds against us by having a third?

“Now babe, I don’t mean to seem unsupportive. I’m just trying to absorb what this means,” I replied sympathetically.

“I know. It’s a lot to take in for me too,” my wife said calmly.

“I mean, have you considered the fact that once the new baby arrives we’ll actually be outnumbered by our children?” I continued. “How long do you think it’ll take before Cody starts using that situation to his advantage? I’m afraid we may well have unknowingly sowed the seeds of an impending civil war.”

“Why must you exaggerate everything? Cody isn’t going to start anything with us. He’s going to be the best big brother ever,” my wife stated with a matter-of-fact tone in her voice.

“I have no doubt about that. But where you and I fit in the picture is still up for debate. At least we have a little time before his new found infantry learns how to walk.

“Yes. Thank heavens for that,” Shannon replied sarcastically. “I don’t know why you can’t drop the joking for even a minute. The pregnancy test is still in my hand for goodness sake.”

“That reminds me. When I picked that up at the store for you today, I noticed the box indicated an effectiveness of over 99%.” I said inquisitively.

“That’s true, the home tests are extremely accurate nowadays,” she replied.

“Right. Then I noticed they were usually sold in packs of two. Kind of strange don’t you think? If the manufacturer actually believes their own claim, less than one in a hundred women would need a second test. Unless, of course, the other one is included to give the mommy-to-be a head start on a new scrapbook. You didn’t happen to see any stickers fall out of when you opened the box did you?”

“You really can’t stop, can you? Just for a second I wish you’d be serious.”

The truth is, my baby factory of a wife was making a very good point. It appears there is actually a time when sarcasm may be inappropriate. Who knew? I was a word-wielding force of destruction upon learning about her first two pregnancies. But Shannon, for some reason, seemed more concerned about this one. So I backed off, at least for the moment.

“I’m just a little scared right now that’s all,” my wife said revealing her feelings of vulnerability to me.

“I know babe. It’s going to be an adjustment, that’s for sure. But you know, it does answer my
question about what the future holds for the little tots.”

“It does?” she asked somewhat confused.

“Sure. Think about it. We obviously have a trio of future Olympic medal winners on our hands,” I stated with the utmost confidence.

“Oh Lord, I’m afraid to ask. What on Earth do you mean by that?” Shannon said unenthusiastically.

“Let’s see. For all three babies I barely touched you. As a result, my success rate has to set some kind of record or something. That means my little swimmers must be simply amazing. Imagine what they can do when the get to the one hundred meter breaststroke!”

“Please stop talking now,” my wife said as she tried in vain to avoid my ridiculous explanation.

“Babe, you know how much Cody loves the water. I think we need to get them swimming lessons immediately. Though it looks like they don’t need any, just a few years of practice. Then it’s gold medal city baby!”

“You are absolutely insane,” she said.

“You married me,” I replied.

“Don’t remind me,” Shannon shot back ending our banter temporarily.

After I got the joking completely out of my system (it took a while), we settled into a nice embrace as we thought about having a new baby in our future. I’ll admit the idea is scary. There is no telling what’s in store for us around the bend. But that really isn’t much different from yesterday, is it? So, we’re going to roll with the changes and provide the newest addition to the Basham clan with as much love and support as humanly possible. We have to do something to prevent him/her from joining Cody’s growing army of infants. He gets stronger every day. Heaven help us.